Smart Funny Jokes

Life is a matter of perspective, sometimes the hot new trend exposes how hot you are and sometimes it exposes how dumb you are.

These are clever observations, enjoy.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it so I said "Implants?"
She hit me.


How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty
for Miss America ?


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."


Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell who's who.


Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot
 be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"