Fun, Amazing, Etc.

This is the official blog of indie author / adventure writer Andy R. Bunch, author of the fantasy book, "Suffering Rancor." As always, I'll post funny or amazing things I find in my travels or from poking around online. This is a great place to kick back and relax a bit. You may note that I’m not too clean or too dirty. For more information on my book, go to http://andyrbunch.weebly.com/. Here are links to first two books http://goo.gl/iHP1i and http://goo.gl/kK13W

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Job Satisfaction







Acts 2:38
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church
services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the
act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins
may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and
explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why
did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Perks of being over 60 heading towards 70/80/90!





01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

You're Gonna Hate Me for This One!

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure...

After a couple of weeks the wife noticed that the woman only approached people with boom boxes and other electronic devices. So the couple decided to bring their boom box the next day and see what happens.

Well, sure enough and the girl came over. She asked them if they needed any batteries. They didn't but after she walked off the wife felt a little let down. Then her husband said... Well I guess...



PLEASE SCROLL
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OOOOH ! You're gonna dislike me for this but it will make your day !
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"She sells 'C' Cells by the Seashore !"

Good Comedian

The best routine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNoS2BU6bbQ

Not Your Typical First Dance

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Greeting Cards That didn't Make It

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

' What the Hell was I thinking?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....

That you're not here to ruin it for me.
####################################################
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

********************************************************************************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Arkansas , Kentucky & West Virginia , Mississippi , Florida ))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.
==================================== =================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

NO frills Airline: sad but true

Best National Anthem Singing

If you're like me you can't stand to see famous artists butcher the National Anthem. Well this is the best rendition I've encountered. The artist is Bethany Joy Galeotti, most recently of One Tree Hill. Give it a listen, just bear in mind that it's a camcorder job, but it still gives us an idea of what it must have been like in person.

Being Cruel to old Men


Here's one from my mom.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Foot Ball is a Little Gay




Lets face it, there's a lot of things about football, be it American football or Soccer that make you think, hmmn. Mainly I'm speaking of American Football. It's a bunch of guys who shower together, wear tight pants and tackle each other. The "positions" include tight end and wide receiver. Instead of playing continuously they stop and talk about things for a bit. The pinnacle of its competitions is the "super" bowl which is watched mainly for the commercials.

If the imagery of a quarter back hunched over the center in front of thousands of people doesn't convince you perhaps these pictures will.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Amazing, All One Camara Shot

Here's how it's supposed to be done, Hollywood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K06wDn3XsZE

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Here's a classic from the Vaults




Poor old Spot!!!!

A group of country friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games.


The lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts - Janet wanted to outdo all the others.


Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But, mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high." He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."


She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison." He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK. So - Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.


Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.


The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.


After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played 42 & Mexican dominoes.


About then, the helper lady from town, came in and whispered in Janet's ear. She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot just died." Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.


The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."


Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs & the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema,and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now, and he left."


They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room, and about this time, the helper lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Monday, September 15, 2008

Ever Wonder???




Is congress the opposite of progress?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only
a 'penny for your thoughts'?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when
babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're
going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra'singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast
to a horrible crisp? Its like they know I'm going to start
fire with strawberry poptarts.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid
song about him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out
of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he
gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he
sticks his head out the window

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME
crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have
the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it
considered rape or shoplifting?

Friday, September 12, 2008

The puzzle

What do these words have in common?

1. Banana

2. Dresser

3. Grammar

4. Potato

5. Revive

6. Uneven

7. Assess



hint: its not that they all have more than one set of double letters.

Puzzle Answer

The answer is...(read backwards)

.dorw emas eht slleps llits ti sdrawkcab daer dna drow eht fo dne eht ta rettel tsrif eht tup uoy fi taht

Friday, September 5, 2008

Temperance



If I had to kiss one of these gals I'd better have been drinking.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Chicken part 2 of 2







ARISTOTLE :
> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
>
> BILL GATES :
> I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ....... reboot.
>
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN :
> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
>
> BILL CLINTON :
> I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
>
>
> AL GORE:
> I invented the chicken!
>
>
> COLONEL SANDERS:
> Did I miss one?
>
>
> DICK CHENEY :
> Where's my gun?
>
>
> AL SHARPTON :
> Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? 1of







DR. PHIL:
> The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH :
> Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH :
> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL :
> Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

JOHN KERRY :
> Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

PAT BUCHANAN :
> To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART :
> No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY :
> To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA :
> In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS :
> Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON :
> Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Political Humor

Thought for the day
Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant'
Is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'

or a beach bunny a coastally located female.
or a weed a volunteer flowers.
or a begger an entrepreneur.

Sex is like air--
its no big deal until you go long enough with out it.

4 out of 5 people surveyed preferred not to answer the question.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Check out Napier's Bones

Heres a blast from the past. I know old people like me had some actually cool teachers that showed us cool stuff, and the fad these days is to avoid teaching the kids anything so they feel better about themselves, SO this should be about amazing to youngsters.

Thank You JoshF!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Friday, June 13, 2008

Weird Laws




The State is the Law
We often have a laugh at the stupid laws in this country but, for bizarre legislation, the US takes some beating:

- Alabama:
1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

- Alaska:
1. It is illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

- California:
1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

- Connecticut:
1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

- Florida:
1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
6. Any form of sexual contact other than missionary position is a misdemeanour. (This is still a law. There have been several cases of people being brought up on these charges in the past 5 years alone. If the police enter a home with a warrant for some other crime and catch the 'culprits' in action, they can, and are, brought up on those charges.)

- Illinois:
1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

- Indiana:
1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theatre nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.

- Iowa:
1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

- Kentucky:
1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

- Louisiana:
1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

- Massachusetts:
1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
4. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

- Nebraska:
1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

- New Mexico:
1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

- New York:
1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

- North Dakota:
1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

- Ohio:
1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

- Oklahoma:
1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

- Pennsylvania:
1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

- Tennessee:
1. It is illegal to lasso a catfish in Tennessee!! (Julie.Miller)

- Texas:
1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

- Vermont:
1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.

- Washington:
1. All lollipops are banned.
2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.
3. In King County, in Seattle Washington, it is illegal to sit on a man's lap on a metro bus, unless you are married.
4. Vancouver, WA has a city law that requires all motor vehicles to carry anchors... as an emergency brake. (Ted Timmons)

- West Virginia:
1. No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Never Give Up!

This is a repost of a pretty amazing video. It's a little disturbing for the younger viewers but watch all the way through you'll be inspired.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Mad Ava From Down Under



Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot off their testicles.

The old lady spent a week hunting those men down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to, Detective Delp told reporters. Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through.

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either-- because I've got me a gun and I've been shooting' all my life. And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one"
So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos', tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them, the oldster recalled.
So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door and the minute the big one, , opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs , right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know.

Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison, Det. Delp said, especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.

Friday, February 22, 2008

No Bull



My wife and I went to the rodeo and one of the first
exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to
the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,' THIS
BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR.'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs and said, 'He mated
50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that
said,''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR.' < /FONT>

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'That's more than
twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that
said, in capital letters,'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST
YEAR'.

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs,
and said, 'That's once a day. You could REALLY learn
something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was
with the same cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I
should eventually make a full recovery.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Two Ways to Look at It



My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink,
as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asks, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed. 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started
drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife.
'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

So you see, there really are two ways to look at everything.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Scottish Bar Stool


For men in kilts:

Joke: Putting Affairs in Order

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini.' After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,
'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.'

The woman said, 'I don't want any of those witches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'

That's Putting Your Affairs In Order

Friday, January 25, 2008

Warning PG-13

Here's a joke I found funny, but I'm a little twisted. Have a great day and God bless.

As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for
an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those
unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city
these days.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every
worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched
by this person's condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as
if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago priest who made an admonition to
'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,'
I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this
unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.
A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach
out!'

Scroll down







So I did..........




I Won't be at Mass this week!



Sunday, January 6, 2008

I Can't Remember

Older Ladies


An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk
if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his
car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars
circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car,
clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen
this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty
trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a
driving license.


The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse
and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you
didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you
murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!