Classic Joke

This is an old one, but its one of my favorites.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and
handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your FBI instructions no matter
what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. . You must shoot her!!

"The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go
home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the
room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes,
"I tried, but I just can't shoot my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it
takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to shoot her
husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes,
all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat
from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to
death with the chair."

Turkey in a Sun Bed

70's Fashion, part 2

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:
If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

70's Fashion, part 1

I got this from a friend and laughed so hard. I thought I'd share the fun. I lived through the 70's and...never mind. Here's the first batch of lovely 70's fashion.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.
Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.