Ok this is impressive

Fastest Pistol Draw

You're Gonna Hate Me for This One!

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure...

After a couple of weeks the wife noticed that the woman only approached people with boom boxes and other electronic devices. So the couple decided to bring their boom box the next day and see what happens.

Well, sure enough and the girl came over. She asked them if they needed any batteries. They didn't but after she walked off the wife felt a little let down. Then her husband said... Well I guess...



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OOOOH ! You're gonna dislike me for this but it will make your day !
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"She sells 'C' Cells by the Seashore !"

Good Comedian

The best routine

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNoS2BU6bbQ

Not Your Typical First Dance

whoop somebodies ass

Fastest clapping

Toast!

Beer Goggles!

Greeting Cards That didn't Make It

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


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Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

' What the Hell was I thinking?'

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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....

That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Arkansas , Kentucky & West Virginia , Mississippi , Florida ))

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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

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We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

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I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

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Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

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So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay

NO frills Airline: sad but true

Best National Anthem Singing

If you're like me you can't stand to see famous artists butcher the National Anthem. Well this is the best rendition I've encountered. The artist is Bethany Joy Galeotti, most recently of One Tree Hill. Give it a listen, just bear in mind that it's a camcorder job, but it still gives us an idea of what it must have been like in person.

Being Cruel to old Men

Here's one from my mom.

Amazing Singing Kid

Foot Ball is a Little Gay

Lets face it, there's a lot of things about football, be it American football or Soccer that make you think, hmmn. Mainly I'm speaking of American Football. It's a bunch of guys who shower together, wear tight pants and tackle each other. The "positions" include tight end and wide receiver. Instead of playing continuously they stop and talk about things for a bit. The pinnacle of its competitions is the "super" bowl which is watched mainly for the commercials.

If the imagery of a quarter back hunched over the center in front of thousands of people doesn't convince you perhaps these pictures will.

Amazing, All One Camara Shot

Here's how it's supposed to be done, Hollywood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K06wDn3XsZE

Best Prank Call Ever

Freaky Waterfall Illusion

Time for a fun commercail

Here's a classic from the Vaults

Poor old Spot!!!!

A group of country friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games.


The lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts - Janet wanted to outdo all the others.


Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But, mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too high." He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."


She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison." He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're OK. So - Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.


Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.


The meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy little cap on her head.


After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played 42 & Mexican dominoes.


About then, the helper lady from town, came in and whispered in Janet's ear. She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot just died." Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.


The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."


Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs & the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema,and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now, and he left."


They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room, and about this time, the helper lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped!!!