Reversal of Fate - Joke

The following Joke is brought to you by "Suffering Rancor" by Andy R. Bunch, illustrated by Corey Noel Pennington. Andy will be appearing this weekend at Norwescon. Drop by and join 3,000 fans of Sci-Fi and Fantasy. The nicest people on earth.


AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the blackBurberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in thegas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in twothreatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.)..

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

Rare Photos

Come hear Andy R. Bunch read from, "Suffering Rancor," at Norwescon April 1-4 Seatac Washington.

Most Useless Machine Ever

Andy R. Bunch will be signing his gritty fantasy novel, "Suffering Rancor," at Norwescon In less than a week. Come by and say, "Hi."

Honey hold my beer and watch this...

This is a cool stunt you must see, but first a word for our sponsors.

Andy Bunch and Corey Pennington will be signing the book, "Suffering Rancor," at the Dublin Down this 1st Friday starting at 7pm. It's always a show. 21 and over this time.

Funny Food Pics (part V)

Good news--I'll be launching an email campaign for "Suffering Rancor" soon. For now enjoy some funny food pics. Thanks Deb for finding these for me.

Funny Food Pics (part IV)

Good news--I'll be launching an email campaign for "Suffering Rancor" soon. For now enjoy some funny food pics. Thanks Deb for finding these for me.

Funny Food Pics (part III)

Good news--I'll be launching an email campaign for "Suffering Rancor" soon. For now enjoy some funny food pics. Thanks Deb for finding these for me.

Funny Food Pics (part II)

Good news--I'll be launching an email campaign for "Suffering Rancor" soon. For now enjoy some funny food pics. Thanks Deb for finding these for me.

Funny Food Pics (part I)

Good news--I'll be launching an email campaign for "Suffering Rancor" soon. For now enjoy some funny food pics. Thanks Deb for finding these for me.

Who's Sound Effect is it?

First a word from our Sponsor: Are you suffering from rancor? Do you lay awake at night, tossing and turning because an evil lich is trying to corrupt your soul and take over the known realms? Well friends, you're in luck because we have the antidote. All you have to do is buy a Copy of "Suffering Rancor," by Andy Bunch and bring it to The Library inside Vancouver Mall on January 23rd at 3pm, and we'll tell you fix what's ailing you. Other symptoms may include, dry mouth, upset stomach, heart burn, indigestion, vomiting, purple tongue, and acne. There is no need to consult you're doctor before reading "Suffering Rancor." If you or your partner experience red eyes, or stiffness in your neck and shoulders stop reading immediately and go to sleep. Remain asleep for a minimum of 6 hours before attempting read again.

And now we return to our feature presentation:

Amazing High Dive

This is something out of my nightmares. 130 feet. I've watched this kind of thing before but it just hit home how nutty you have to be to do this.



Check out "Suffering Rancor," if you want to read an amazing book.

Power Saw--Red Green Style

Check out Suffering Rancor, by Andy R. Bunch.

FUN Stairs--Fun Theory

I agree with the fun theory. One of the things I enjoy most is a cup of coffee and a good novel. If you have any ideas where we should hold our next book signing send me an email at sirbunch at myspace.com. Have an awesome day.

Comedian - very funny

Don't forget about the Book Signing of Suffering Rancor tomorrow night around 5pm at Dolce Gelato. It's easy to find, just drive South on Franklin from Mill Plain and when you hit a dead end (8th street)turn left toward Esther Short Park. Dolce Gelato is on the right. You never know how much fun you're missing if you don't come.

Late Night Jokes

If you get the chance come down and join author Andy R. Bunch and Illustrator Corey Pennington at Dulce Gelato next to Esther Short Park downtown Vancouver. We'll be signing "Suffering Rancor" and listening to live music as we drink coffee and kibitz (whatever that means.) We've been having great turn outs at every signing and even if you have a signed book its a great way to blow off the steam of a hard week. Did I mention the great Italian Ice-cream and Dulce Belle Baristas? There will be something there to tantalize all your senses. Ooohwah!

Jay Leno:
● Congratulations to President Obama and first lady Michelle. They celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary this week. After their anniversary dinner President Obama took Michelle back to the White House for a romantic evening, which is the first time since he took office that he has been able to close the deal.

● David Letterman was a victim of extortion this week. I also had the same problem recently. A producer from “Dateline NBC” tried to blackmail me, but luckily no one watches NBC.

Conan O'Brien:
● This weekend, President Obama is going to speak to the nation’s largest gay rights group, and members of the group are upset that he hasn’t kept his campaign promises to them. However, the gay rights group says all will be forgiven if Obama makes the speech shirtless.

● The 2009 Nobel Prize in physics has been awarded to three scientists: a 79-year-old, a 75-year-old, and an 85-year-old. They received the award for successfully programming a VCR.

● A cruise ship is going to retrace the path of the Titanic and will feature the original food and activities Titanic passengers took part in. The activities include sinking and drowning.

Late Show Top Ten:

Top Ten Signs You're Dealing With A Bad Cryonic Preservation Company

10. It's called "Cryonics 'N Things"
9. Cold storage room is kept at 74 degrees
8. At Christmas party, you find grandpa's head chilling the eggnog
7. Motto: "If we don't bring you back to life . . . what are you going to do about it?"
6. "State-of-the-art freezer" is an Igloo cooler in backseat of owner's Hyundai
5. Every now and then, the body of Karl Malden wakes up and eats someone
4. From inside the storage pods, you hear faint cries for help
3. Rated last in "Cryonic Preservation Weekly"
2. For fun, technicians dress bodies to reenact this week's "Mad Men"
1. Representative answers all your questions with "Huh?"

● The Supreme Court is in session for the new year. It was Sonia Sotomayor’s first day. They did a little rookie hazing — Justice Roberts glued her gavel to the desk.

Late Late with Craig Furgeson:
● The group Kiss has a new album out. Some people have never seen an album, so I’ll explain: It’s a flat vinyl disc that goes on a record player, and a toucan on the side of the record player drops his beak into the groove, and everyone dances the jitterbug.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

● Former “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul was in the audience of “Dancing with the Stars” last night. She was there because she’s homeless.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

● President Obama gave a talk to members of the House and Senate today about options for the war in Afghanistan. The title of his speech was “Any ideas? Cause I’ve got nothing.”

● A new study says that the city with the smartest residents in the U.S. is Raleigh, N.C., followed by San Francisco, Boston, and Minneapolis. The study ranked America’s smartest from one to 55. Fresno, Calif., came in 55th. The mayor of Fresno was like "That's great, but who came in last?”

View of Mt. Rushmore from Canada

Hey, come get your copy of "Suffering Rancor," signed by author Andy R. Bunch and Illustrator Corey Pennington at a book signing this First Friday, downtown Vancouver. We'll be Singing books inside--no rain, woo hooo! -- next long time supporter Angst Gallery. Thank you Lea!!

Next Friday we'll be signing at Dolce Gelato:
Time: To be announced.
535 W. 8th Street
Vancouver, WA 98660
(360) 567-1011

Don't Forget to Check out SufferingRancor.info and buy your copy of "Suffering Rancor," the fantasy adventure book that's winning new fans across America every day.

These two look a little CG'ed to me but I'll let you be the Judge.