Break Dancing Santas

Check out this video: Dancing Santas



Add to My Profile | More Videos

Police Dog

Check out the expression on this dog's face.

New Rat Found

Repost of AP story

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/22312197#22312197

JAKARTA, Indonesia - Researchers in a remote jungle in Indonesia have discovered a giant rat and a tiny possum that are apparently new to science, underscoring the stunning biodiversity of the Southeast Asian nation, scientists said Monday.

Unearthing new species of mammals in the 21st century is considered very rare. The discoveries by a team of American and Indonesian scientists are being studied further to confirm their status.

The animals were found in the Foja Mountains rainforest in eastern Papua province during a June expedition, said U.S.-based Conservation International, which organized the trip along with the Indonesian Institute of Science.

"The giant rat is about five times the size of a typical city rat," said Kristofer Helgen, a scientist with the Smithsonian Institution in Washington. "With no fear of humans, it apparently came into the camp several times during the trip."

The possum was described as "one of the world's smallest marsupials."

A 2006 expedition to the same stretch of jungle — dubbed by Conservation International as a "Lost World" because until then humans had rarely visited it — unearthed scores of exotic new species of palms, butterflies and palms.

Papua has some of the world's largest tracts of rainforest, but like elsewhere in Indonesia they are being ravaged by illegal logging. Scientists said last year that the Foja area was not under immediate threat, largely because it was so remote.

"It's comforting to know that there is a place on Earth so isolated that it remains the absolute realm of wild nature," said expedition leader Bruce Beehler. "We were pleased to see that this little piece of Eden remains as pristine and enchanting as it was when we first visited."

7 year old Drum Solo

Classic Joke

This is an old one, but its one of my favorites.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and
handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your FBI instructions no matter
what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. . You must shoot her!!

"The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go
home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the
room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes,
"I tried, but I just can't shoot my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it
takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to shoot her
husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes,
all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat
from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to
death with the chair."

Turkey in a Sun Bed

70's Fashion, part 2

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:
If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

70's Fashion, part 1

I got this from a friend and laughed so hard. I thought I'd share the fun. I lived through the 70's and...never mind. Here's the first batch of lovely 70's fashion.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.
Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Success Posters, part 3

Success Posters, part 2

Success Posters, part 1

be careful what you wish for

Scott at the dentist

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a
tooth extraction.

"£85 for an extraction, sir"

"£85?", the man replies. 

"Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," replies the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15
off."

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and
still withoot an anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be
painful.  But the price could drop to £40."

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, 'ave yer
student do the extraction with the other students watchin'
and learnin'?"

"It'll be good for the students" mulled the dentist.  "I'll
charge you £5. But it will be traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie!  It's a deal," said the
Scotsman. 

"Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday
then?"  

Ice Sculpture - Angel

Baseball Joke

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first
baseball game.


They smuggle a bottle of into the ball park.


The game is real exciting

and they are enjoying themselves immensely...

mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.


Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone
and the game has a lot of innings to go.


Based on the given information, what inning is it

and how many players are on base?



Think!


Think some more!!




You're gonna love it


Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!

Cool, Space Saving Chair

Classic Cop/Lawyer Joke

This is an old one, but its great so I had to repost it.

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certainly better educated than a Texas cop! He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

The deputy says," License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

The lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the deputy. "License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts clubbing the tar out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

Dogs

Dog Logic


The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his
tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous


There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking
your face. -Ben Williams


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he
loves himself. -Josh Billings


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney


Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike
people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to
mix love and hate.


Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed
a dog. -Franklin P. Jones


If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise .
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to
$3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he
will not bite you; that is the principal difference between
a dog and a man.  -Mark Twain


Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog
biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret 

What Mom's Say...in under three minutes

Can't Take That Chance

How To: Boomerangs

Science of Boomerangs: How to Make and Throw the Aussie Magic

Throwing a boomerang is part science, part magic — and, as Eric Darnell knows, so is making one.

By Dan Drollette

At the preseason tryouts for the U.S. Boomerang Team in Greenfield, Mass., one figure stands out among the hacky sack players and pizza delivery guys gathering in the soccer fields, limbering up their throwing arms.

Eric Darnell, a soft-spoken 62-year-old Quaker and backyard inventor from South Stafford, Vt., has brought 60 of his latest handmade boomerang prototypes, along with several notebooks, two windsocks and printouts of weather forecasts. While others just hurl their rangs — as aficionados call them — Darnell tries to be as meticulous and scientific as possible about the objects he refers to as "my kinetic sculptures."

When a boomerang won't soar, he adds extra weight here, shaves a wing there or drills a hole somewhere else to improve flight characteristics. When asked what he's doing, Darnell — who has coached three U.S. teams — explains with a blizzard of information about airfoil shapes, Reynolds numbers, local atmospheric conditions, wind shear and the effects of drag.

But he also acknowledges the role of art and intuition: "One of the things that is near and dear to my heart about boomerangs is that there's still some magic involved. You can't completely computerize them. I've seen computer-designed boomerangs, and they’re junk. Sometimes, to fly well, a rang needs to be asymmetrical or unbalanced or off-center. It's counterintuitive; it's not in textbooks about airfoils." Plus, imperfections make a boomerang more fun. "When you see a rang made for maximum time aloft vibrating in the air, it just seems alive."

Though Darnell's degree is in regional planning, he is a self-taught engineer and avid consumer of trade magazines on materials science. He is also a tool-and-die designer, and his list of inventions includes chest protectors for sports, helmets for lacrosse and ice hockey, and a wood-burning stove that is sold all over the world.

But his first love is boomerangs, which he began to make as a child after losing one too many gliders. ("For a 12-year-old, that's devastating," he says.) Today, his boomerangs are used by more competitive throwers than those from any other single boomerang designer. To create a boomerang, Darnell relies on a little theory and a lot of experimentation, often with previous designs. "I have about a thousand rangs in my barn that I use for inspiration," he says. Some of them came from well-wishers and some from obscure shops — several are even made from the same exotic carbon fibers used in submarines.

But the boomerangs he most treasures, Darnell says, are the ancient wooden ones. Aborigines made rangs for hunting, fishing and imitating the flight of hawks; they made boomerangs to catch on the edge of an enemy's shield and hit him from behind. Some have two wings; others, four. Nearly all have some unique feature that Darnell tries to incorporate into one of his own designs.

It must be a sound strategy: Twenty-five world records have been set using Darnell boomerangs or rangs inspired by his models. At last year's world championship in Japan, 127 of 130 competitors used Darnell rangs.

And, yes, there is such a thing as a world boomerang championship. (Next year it will be held in Seattle.) National clubs thrive in the United States, Germany, France, Japan and England. There are rules, regulation fields, exhibition games and individual and team events. There are even pro tours, which date back to 1985, when 10,000 screaming Parisian fans watched U.S. Boomerang Team members Chet Snouffer, Barnaby Ruhe, Peter Ruhf and Darnell set records. "It was like we were the Beatles," Ruhf says.

Darnell has himself set world records for endurance (43 catches in 5 minutes) and maximum time aloft (1 minute and 44 seconds). He has also sold millions of boomerangs. He says he isn't into the sport for the money, although he admits, "I make many happy returns."

Boomerang Flight

Eric Darnell turns native oak into boomerangs that return with eerie precision. Few experts agree on exactly why boomerangs fly the way they do, but a few basic principles apply: lift, spin and an effect called precession.

How It Works
LIFT:

Air passing over the curved top of a boomerang’s airfoil — at the leading edge of the wing — is forced to go faster than air passing over the relatively flat underside. As described by Bernoulli's principle, this generates less pressure above the wing, creating upward lift.

SPIN:

The rate of a boomerang's spin is determined by the length of the wings, the angle at which they're joined, the distribution of material and the amount of force applied by the thrower. Like a gyroscope, a boomerang has greater stability the faster it spins.

PRECESSION:

A boomerang is thrown at a slight outward tilt from vertical. The top wing rotates with the object's forward motion, so it moves faster than the bottom wing, generating more lift. Because the boom­erang is spinning, the lift exerts a steady force that is felt 90 degrees later, at the point in each rotation farthest from the thrower. This force nudges the wing laterally and the spin axis shifts. The boomerang turns — eventually curving all the way back to its starting point.

Four Boomerang Designs

Aboriginal

Roughly 30 in. long, this 19th-century rang from Western Australia is made from mulga — a wood so dense "it sinks like a stone in water," Darnell says. It weighs nearly 2 pounds, so, "You definitely want to stay out of the way when it comes back."

The unknown maker carved grooves into the top and bottom, shaving off a tiny bit of weight (crucial in a sport where the mass of a paper clip can clinch a record throw). The grooves also form hollows that — like the dimples on a golfball — create a blunt airfoil, which increases lift.

"This boomerang inspired me to put a shallow hollow, or undercamber, on the bottom of my boomerangs," Darnell says.

Tri-Fly

The 1.5-ounce, 11-in. Tri-Fly is Darnell's most popular — and most imitated — boomerang. Its multiple wings were inspired by Aboriginal designs.

More wings mean more lift, which makes the boomerang turn in an extremely tight circle. Unfortunately, early prototypes circled too tightly — traveling only 16 yards before returning. Darnell corrected this problem by putting a single hole near the end of each wing. This spoiled just enough lift to allow the rang to sail out farther — to 27 yards.

"In addition, the holes slowed the rate of spin, making this boomerang easier to catch," Darnell says. "They showed me that drag is not a four-letter word."

Pro-Fly

The classic V shape, with a twist. The wings' positive angle of attack allows the boomerang to climb farther and faster. It's made from a type of polypropylene plastic soft enough for the user to bend the wings further, yet resistant enough to hold the resulting shape — making this the first "tuneable" boomerang.

At about 2 ounces and 14 in. across, the Pro-Fly can travel out as far as 40 yards. Even so, Darnell was unsure how the plastic model would be received in Australia, the home of the wood boomerang: "Then I met Bluey Roberts [a well-known Aboriginal artist] — and he was throwing a Pro-Fly. He goes, 'Oh yeah, bloody good rang.'"

MTA

Made for the Maximum Time Aloft event at competitions, the MTA has asymmetrical wings that present more surface area to the wind, maximizing lift. And at a mere half-ounce, the 13-in.-wide MTA floats on the slightest updraft.

"It's a crazy shape compared to most other designs," Darnell says. Its airfoil, however, is extremely efficient. It loses little energy to the formation of noise, for example.

A few years ago, officials informally timed the silent rang at 17 minutes aloft. "Sometimes, an MTA just disappears," says Ted Bailey, a former president of the U.S. Boomerang Association. "We call that 'losing it to the jet-stream god.'"

Smart Funny Jokes

Life is a matter of perspective, sometimes the hot new trend exposes how hot you are and sometimes it exposes how dumb you are.

These are clever observations, enjoy.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it so I said "Implants?"
She hit me.


How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty
for Miss America ?


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."


Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell who's who.


Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.


Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot
 be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

Toilet Cleaning Instructions:

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.  You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually
enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse."

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front
door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Obstacles

Don't let life's obstacles get you down:

The Millau Viaduct

The Millau viaduct is part of the new E11 expressway connecting Paris and Barcelona and features the highest bridge piers ever constructed.
The tallest is 240 meters (787 feet) high and the overall height will be an impressive 336 meters (1102 feet), making this the highest bridge in the world.

That's roughly the altitude of Mount St. Hellens. Let me be the first to bet some idiot is going to sky dive off this.

Miss Teen USA South Carolina 2007 with Subtitles

Wow, I feel kinda bad for her. I've drawn a blank when I'm on the spot before but this takes the cake.

Great Band, Very Funny Too

Hey this is a great band and they have a ridiculous sense of humor, watch the video and then book them for your venue.

Deer Jumps Bike

Fun with driving

Susan phones her husband, Nick, at work for a chat.
Nick: "I'm sorry dear, but I'm up to my neck in work today."
Susan: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
Nick: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."
Susan: "Well, the air bag works."

I love Irony

Irony comes in every flavor from dry to sweet. Here are a couple pictures from my collection that are my personal favorites.